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We


are a retired




few who’ve been married for 40 years. I enjoy my partner and she adores me personally. We have an active love life, but we


have actually talked-about her finding


another sexual companion getting with sometimes. Neither people approves of going on line to obtain one. How could


you advise


that individuals select her a


“friend with advantages”, who she can end up being with and rely on?


Our children all reside away from us, therefore we


aren’t terribly hung-up about any person determining.

The key issue is “trust”. It is never simple to find anyone to trust with any facet of your life – funds, work, home, even grooming – very, naturally, it will likely be specially tough when it comes to creating a sexual triad.

First thing individually plus wife doing should go over in great detail exactly what that “agreement” would resemble. For instance, would it be OK for your third individual be someone within area, that you might see in other configurations? Would you exposure taking that individual into your house, or will it be far better to make use of an alternate area? Would your lady start to see the person alone, or is it possible you be there? Exactly what boundaries is set? What are the security factors? Humankind are hardwired feeling envy; while you might imagine this would not arise, it probably would – how could you address that? Would details be discussed?

There has to be clear, clear, mutual permission – including by the 3rd individual. It could be best to seek a well established “swingers” society towards you, since, in it, you are very likely to discover someone who is at ease with unorthodox connections. But you’ll still have to follow policies, physical exercise care and get ready for unanticipated thoughts and activities.




Pamela Stephenson Connolly is actually a US-based psychotherapist whom specialises for intimate conditions.




If you want advice from Pamela on sexual things, send us a quick description of issues to personal.lives@theguardian.com (do not deliver attachments). Weekly, Pamela decides one issue to resolve, that will be posted online and in print. She regrets that she cannot get into personal communication. Distribution tend to be at the mercy of our very own conditions and terms: see gu.com/letters-terms.


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